My wife and I were eating at a restaurant last week and got dinner and a show, although we only paid for dinner. A couple of tables over sat a man and his wife who, in his words, were having the “worst dining experience of his life.” The food was late, then cold, then over/under/sideways cooked, and he was just generally unhappy with the whole ordeal.

He shouted and fumed, making a spectacle of himself, and in front of him stood a terrified teenage waitress bearing the brunt of his rage. I have no clue if any of the complaints were her fault directly, but that didn’t seem to matter at all as he was treating her like she was responsible for everything from the slow service to his receding hairline.

I think the entire restaurant felt bad for her, and the only response she could muster was nodding and trying to hold back her tears as he vented. He demanded to talk to a manager, and then we saw something that made me want to stand up and applaud. No, no one punched Mr. Rage in his face and told him to stop his toddler tantrum (although many of us around were ready to). Instead, another server came over, calmly guided their waitress out of the way, and inserted himself into the conversation.

The man immediately asked, “Are you a manager?!”

“I’m not,” he said, “but I’ve had some bad experiences eating out before myself, and I know how frustrating they can be. So, I just wanted to see if I could help.”

Then the magic happened. This young guy, probably mid-twenties, let Mr. Rage talk and vent, listening with sincere compassion, then connected with him about a sports team he observed from his shirt. “I know we both know about frustration and disappointment being Auburn fans!” And within the next few minutes they were talking and joking like old friends… When the manager finally arrived to ask if everything was okay, the formerly irate customer smiled and said it’s fine, he just lost his cool, and understands everyone has bad nights.

All said and done, the guy apologized to his waitress, the manager didn’t have to give away anything free, AND, most importantly, the restaurant probably kept the customer for future visits. And all was defused and salvaged due completely to the people skills of one very gifted waiter, who – side note – I bet makes a KILLING in tips. Soft skills saved the day and are likely MUCH more responsible for a business’s success or failure than we ever realize.

What are Soft Skills and Why are they So Valuable?

Let’s be honest, we don’t like to be called SOFT by any stretch of the word, but being skilled here and hiring employees who are too can change your business dramatically. Hard skills are technical and measurable: “Do you know how to fix a leaking coil?” “Can you use that gauge?” These are taught by the tech schools and are a part of the certification. Knowing what you’re doing and how to perform the task you were hired to do should be a given for any option listed in the Google search results. But soft skills are non-technical and much harder to quantify. They’re the attributes that describe how people work and interact with others, often called a person’s “people skills.” But it goes beyond just playing nice and not causing drama in the office. The most valuable skills in any business to consumer trade are strong communication skills, relatability, and extroverted tendencies when dealing with the public.

So, with all things equal, if homeowners think anyone they call should be able to fix their issue as a given, what separates them? Here’s where you see the difference in all those Google Reviews. The 5 stars almost always mention a name – “TONY was a delight to work with,” or “STEVE was a great guy,” on and on – meaning in just a few minutes that employee left a lasting impression and/or resolved an issue. And, unfortunately, great personalities to match technical expertise are getting harder and harder to find.

The Death of the Conversation

In my days as a youth pastor, I noticed a disturbing trend… the more technology and social media became prevalent in this generation’s lives, the less they knew how to actually communicate with each other. I’d watch as teenagers would sit right beside each other and text back and forth having a conversation without actually speaking. When I asked why they’d do that, it was so they’d be able to have a few extra seconds to think about their response while typing it out or they could just leave the conversation hanging (“left on read” as the kid’s say) if they didn’t want to answer an uncomfortable question. Ladies and gentlemen, here is your current young workforce. Sure, you can send them to school, train them on how to perform a task, and feel confident they can fix the homeowner’s problem, but… what if the homeowner wants to talk? What if they have a question? Or, (gulp) a complaint?

There’s a problem here, and I hope you see it… When you’re out face to face with a customer, we don’t have a screen between us as a buffer. Sometimes you don’t have very long to think of a response. Sometimes you need some quick wit and to be observant enough to make a connection. Sometimes Mr. Rage wants you to answer for yourself right now, and how that situation goes from there has nothing to do with a textbook.

Building Soft Skills in Your Team

So, how do you leverage more connection with homeowners and memorable personalities?

  • Hire Personalities That Fit the Job: Hire new employees valuing personal interaction and communication skills just as much as technical skills. Remember, the technical stuff can be more easily taught, and those who are outgoing and extroverted are far more eager to learn. This is most crucial for any sales position, CSRs, or anyone going into homes. I’m sure you’ve unfortunately had to fire a salesperson who knew SEER Ratings and equipment inside and out but just didn’t know how to sell. How about hiring a salesman’s personality and training him about SEER ratings?
  • Role Play: Be careful with this one because if you have a bunch of introverted staff, this one will surely make them uncomfortable! Make role playing situations and common conversations with homeowners a regular part of staff meetings so that it’s less likely for your workers to get caught off guard. Train them with common responses and where to take the conversation next.
  • Job Shadowing: You can likely identify people in your company who have strong interpersonal skills. Take those with less confidence and pair them together to watch and observe. They’ll likely pick up tips and tricks the more experienced person has learned over time to make their jobs easier on the technical side while learning the benefits of interacting warmly.

At the end of the day what most of this comes down to is a confidence issue, and the easiest way to give employees confidence is to make them feel prepared to face any situation. Our poor waitress curled up into a ball as soon as the customer raised his voice, and it just got worse from there. But when an experienced voice matched his energy and connected, the situation deescalated. Find people willing to work hard with the right technical know-how matched with a personality the homeowners enjoy being around and you’re headed toward massive profitability.